What betrays us?

     The daily lesson is from Mark 14:12 and tells the story of judas and Jesus identifying Judas as the betrayer. What a complicated piece of work and very confusing. If judas was the known betrayer why didn't someone stop him? 
      Something's in our life just can't be stopped even though we know that they are leading us in a path we would rather not go. I am not talking about fatalism here but a sense of knowing that the Way almost always involves a cross of some sort. when we speak the truth that people do not want to hear it involves paying the consequences for that decision. It may mean the loss of a job, the conflict in a marriage or the loss of a good friendship. All of those are startling consequences and they all involve painful losses. The only way we have the courage to speak in the name of the Gospel is that we know the rest of the story.  There is life beyond the loss. The job that was sucking the life out of us gives way to an understanding of who and what God is truly calling us towards. Truth speaking in relationship adds a new intimacy- maybe after a few months with a good therapist! But it is a gift for which we are willing to pay the price. After destruction comes the new life we've waited for. The loss of a friendship, intimate relationship almost always gives way to personal and spiritual insight if we are willing to allow God to help us through.  
    

Do my neighbors know my pajamas

A few months ago I was at a gathering and I was introduced to another person. I was told that she had the most elegant pajamas in the entire neighborhood!  "When she goes out in the morning to get her newspaper and take her dog out we all marvel at the elegant pajamas and matching robes that she has" I was told.  Well, that started me thinking....dangerous activity.....I know.  When I am home in Cordova, TN either my husband or I rise in the morning, put on the coffe and then head down the driveway with our dog to get our newspaper.  My neighbors, if their out at that time in the morning, might marvel at my pajamas but not like the elegant display that my aquaintance. I pretty much go for comfort when I go to bed. I don't think I should go into where I have obtained my sleeping attire, but, because many of them have come from my husbands wardrobe...and I'm not sure he knows of my theft!  Just to say that flannel shirts, old T-Shirts and things like that make my bedtime wardrobe comfy.  I do have some very nice pajamas that I travel with so as not to be embarrased at a hotel or friends house, but, I save those for the special occassion and not for every night use.  It never really occured to me, until my friend's introduction, that my neighbors might be the unwilling viewers of my everyday sleeping attire!  We are not close in our neighborhood.  We know our neighbors on either side and a few around our culdesac, but that is just about it.  Most of us have decks in our backyard and different schedules so we rarely see each other except when we are driving in or out of the neighborhood.  But, maybe as someone is walking past their living room window, they look out and see me in my comfy nightwear, with my dog and wonder where I came up with THAT costume! Then they return to their spouse or partner and say: "You won't believe what she had on today!"
     Most of us think we are fairly anonymous when we are not in a crowd or a public place.  When we drive our car, walk out in our front yard or walk down the sidewalk we don't think others are really looking at what we are wearing, how we are behaving or what we are doing.  But, I think we might be surprised about how many people do notice us.  I remember that in one smaller town I was in a hurry to get to an appointment.  I was rushing and when I turned a corner I was minimally aware that I cut off a pedistrian who was beginning to cross the street.  The next Sunday in church the pedestrian (who happened to be a parishoner) said in the midst of a coffee hour crowd: "Mother LaRae, you should pay more attention when you drive, you almost ran me down the other day!" UGGH! It's about being self-aware, other people aware and most of all God aware.  So often we are just looking for the most direct line between point A and point B.  We seldom care about the litter on the street, the person behind us or the person we step around to continue our journey.  Yet, each and everyone of those opportunities for awareness could be an opportunity God is putting in our life.  In Lexington I would often carry a grocery bag when I went out on my daily walk and pick up litter until it got full and then dump it in one of the public trashcans (Lexington was great about providing those).  It made me feel really good, somehow, that I was part of the solution not the problem.  I have to say after my experience of almost running down a parishioner I removed the Episcopal sticker from the back of my car believing that my witness on the road might not be too helpful for the Episcopal Church!

      So often I want to blame the strangers around me for all the rudeness in the world today.  But, perhaps one of the answers to preaching the Gospel in all the world starts with being a good Christian when we don't think anyone is looking.  Well, I probably won't change my nightly attire any time soon.  Maybe it gives my neighbors a good laugh to start their day, if they are really interested.  But, I will think about the stranger, the litter and the small acts of kindness that no one sees except my ever present God

surrounded by the light

I am sitting in my home office for the first time in a long time, maybe 2 years. It is as I left it before I went to Lexington to serve as the Interim Dean at Christ Church Cathedral. I have brought with me momentos of Christ Church Cathedral and I have placed them with other momentos that I have of some of the 11 or 12 parishes I have served. Most of them are pictures and as I look at them I notice that each of them is not what someone might think about when they think about church. I have a picture of 2 wild turkeys that used to come to visit me outside my office at St. Martin of Tours (Kalamazoo) and then followed me when I went to Emmanuel in Petoskey, MI. I suppose they weren't exactly the same turkeys but I thought it was nice that when I sat down at my new office in Petoskey there were two wild turkeys outside my office window! It made me feel at home. The pictures are displayed with a poem that a very holy woman wrote for me as I was leaving St. Martin's entitled Some Fine Feathered Friends.

Another picture is of a church door that I particularly loved. On Sundy when it was hot and the back doors were opened I had a view of the county prison that was right across the street. When I preached it made me aware that God's word went to all the prisoners: Those that were in jail and those that were imprisoned in their own personal world of shame, fear, remorse, guilt or some other pain.

Another comes from East Lansing and an unusual altar setting that I have never been able to duplicate in my other churches. I loved that altar area with the artistic talent and gifts that were used to create it. We did an All Saints altar with pumpkins carved with symbols of the saints and somehow the picture picks up the light in such a way that surrounds the altar area with beams of light and warm tones. It reflects the parish that seemed to understand it was surrounded by the saints in light. Many unique and artistically talented people attended this church and it was such a freeing experience to worship with people who may not look, act or even pray the same way. It left each one to be free to be themselves.

Another is the light of a stained glass window reflected upon the shiny brass cross. I remember that it was a stained glass window of the crucifixtion, St. John and Mary at the foot of the cross. I remember the gift of the people of that parish that shared their faith even though they had been through horrendous and tramatic events. Somehow, the pain was holy and sacred.

the one I add from the Cathedral some from an Art Exhibit presented by Ludmilla Povloska (sp) called The Icons of Transformation. The show was filled with ancient Russian Icons and responses that Ludmilla had given to the icons. Yet, there was this stunning but simple piece that I kept returning to time and time again. I often sat beside it to pray. It was called You Are The Icon. It was a 3 dimensional pentagon with reflective material inside the shape. It might have been in the shape of an old coffin, or a cut diamond. When one walked by it reflections of the self immerged. Not perfect reflections, but reflections changed by the light and the angle. Lots of good sermons came from that piece.

At this point in my journey I am often frustrated that I do not know where I will go next or how far from home and husband this time. It struck me how privildeged I have been to have experienced all of these people of God. Each encounter, each conversation, every worship service has shaped me and given me something that I did not have before. From very small congregations to quite large parishes I am undone by the amount that I have received from it all! It is a bounty of God's blessing, mercy and correction. All has not been extremely pleasant (although a large majority of it has been pleasant) but it has all been spiritually meaningful and growth producing.

Are all parishes basically the same? is the question I frequently get asked. Well, yes and no. Each parish has a unique signature, personality and mode of operation. The problems of every parish are basically the same: Stewardship, attracting young families, facing change in polity and policy and dealing with adults behaving badly. Yet each parish has such a unique and different way of approaching these problems that it almost seems to make the problem different!

It make life interesting, challenging and blessed.

Life is good even after vacation

What must I do

From Luke's gospel: a lawyer stands us and ask " what must we do to inherit eternal life?" then this man pressed Jesus further on the question because he wanted to "justify himself." I wonder if Jesus and this man had a previous encounter and the man is trying to show Jesus that he was doing what is expected of him by the law! It is difficult not to get in the position of justifying ourself for actions that we believe are right but others perceive as cruel or unjust.we don't want to bethought of as doing wrong when the other person does not know the full story, needs more information or has been misinformed. But the line is thin as what is right, merciful and just and what is merely allowed by law.

Murders or Justifiable Homicide?

I find myself with mixed emotions and thoughts today.

On Saturday night a young man was murdered outside my apartment building. The young 19 year old man was coming from a bar and was shot by an unknown assailant. The questions are unending. Why was he shot? Was it alcohol or other drug related? There were a lot of people around when he was shot, thank goodness no one else was injured. Thank goodness our glass walled apartment wasn't hit by a stray bullet. The parents grieve and the community is shocked. But, it is becoming all too commonplace even in a city as nice and quiet as Lexington, KY.

Sunday night, before I retired for the evening breaking news hit the television screen. Osama Bin Laden, terrorist and extremist, had been killed by a United States Special Forces team. People gathered at the White House to celebrate and cheer this death. Bin Laden was a very disturbed and wicked man who killed many people for his extremist beliefs. His death may have been inevitable and even necessary. But somehow the cheering and celebrating bothered me. His death will not bring back the many people killed in the 9-11 attacks that Osama orchestrated. His death will not bring an end to the violence and oppression brought about by religious zealots. But, his death may save another 9-11 or another suicide bombing. Ther is such a thing as justifiable homicide. When one's own life is threatened and no alternative is left but to kill the other the law allows a justifiable homicide.

But the cheers and celebration still bother me.

One of those Waiting Days

All of Holy Week tends to be busy for those involved in the church. Yet, sometimes, I wonder if we don't make ourselves extra busy so we don't have to deal with the grief which calls to us from this time of Lent.

This afternoon I was watching a man clean the very high window at the Cathedral. It is a very precarious window that sits under a ledge and over a stair case. So the cleaners need to set up a ladder from the top step to the top of the window. I don't think the window had been cleaned for years so there was layer upon layer of dirt, grime and smog. It isn't cheap to find someone to risk life and limb to clean a window--so we've put it off. The clean window was startling. Who knew the grime and dirt were hiding so much beauty!

I think that about events and people left unforgiven, the deep grief of aging parents, left over smog from divorces and deaths. It all adds up, you know? So, every once in a while we need to clean the window of our life and let the beauty of the light shine in. Because those incidences in our life happen slowly we often don't notice the build-up until it just gets too much and it all comes out at once. Maybe we should pay the cost of cleaning the window this Holy Week