Letting Go

I just finished an article for the bi-monthly newsletter at All Saints, here in Tupelo, MS. Usually it is one of those things that I have to spend time with and think about what I want to share with the larger congregation. This week, though, I received an article through the mail that was so moving and appropriate that I had to share it with the congregation. Because the space is limited I couldn’t say everything I wanted to say about the article and why it was so moving to me. The article was about letting go and I share this letter with you at the end of this journal entry. Letting go has always been difficult for me. When a problem arises, something in the house has broken and I think I can fix it, a computer has taken control of my computer or a new puzzle has entered my brain my family is found of saying “it’s like a dog with a bone!” I will stay up until the wee hours of the morning until I finally collapse with exhaustion trying to fix, put together or install whatever it is. I very much want things to look right, be right and act right! Right, of course, is totally subjective to my standards. Just release, release is my husband’s mantra for me, but, still I am convinced if I just spend a few more minutes on my project it will change the course of history! Yet, I have to admit that some things are just out of my control and not everything can be ‘fixed.’ The time comes when we need to ‘let go’ of some things, some people and some issues. In this letter I was touched by the community that came together to help Bernard let go of his friend and companion of so many years. I was touched that the veterinarian in this story is a parishioner and was part of the community that gathered. Some times we have a hard time letting go and we need to have the body of Christ surrounding us as we let go of something so important in our lives. It seems that over the past few weeks I have talked with a number of people who are ‘letting go’ or questioning whether it might be time to ‘let go.’ I have spoken with people who are dealing with dying parents, children going off to college, difficult relationships with spouses, children and parents. So I offer this story to you, written by Bernard Hufft, I hope it means as much to you as it meant to me and begins your thoughts on

Letting Go......
They are just two simple words, but words that have been weighing heavy on my mind in the recent weeks. We all have heard Mother LaRaes sermon that have touched on “letting go”, or leaving the past behind. Still, to “let go” is easier said than done. In our lives we all have had to deal with some form of this. We have had to let go of a friendship that didn’t last, or letting go a child to grow and realize their independence, or sadly to let go of a parent to some illness or let them go to their heavenly home. It reminds me of when my father died in March of 1986. He had been in a nursing home for several days due to the fact he needed twenty four hour care. I was in our family home by myself; trying to deal with being independent. It was hard; the nights especially. I would lie awake in my bed just listening to the quietness of that old house. At 3 pm on March 12, I would experience the second “letting go” experience of my young life; the first being in 1983 with the death of my mother. We received a call from the nursing home that my father had gone into cardiac arrest. My brother, sister-in-law and I rushed to see him. When we arrived, a nurse met me at the door; telling me that the EMT’s were helping my dad. We then sped off to the emergency room. While I was driving, a flood of memories came to my mind, so little time I had with him, but the memories were cherished. I watched my father take his last breath, and then he went just stopped breathing. I guess God was ready for him now. He was up there in Heaven with my mother, and all those that had gone before him. I had to “let go”. It was tough, very tough, but I did the best I could. Again, it was the nights that were the toughest. I would experience another letting go with the death of my brother in 1998.

Fast forward to 2008, and my life has taken a 360. I am now a graduate, with my AA in Liberal Arts, and looking forward to the days ahead. The past few weeks though, have been tough. In the midst of celebrating my blessings, and good fortune, I had to experience another “letting go”. I had to put my faithful four legged companion Hunter to sleep on Wednesday May 7, two days before I graduated. It was one of the toughest and loneliest “letting go” I have had so far. She was 15, and had cancer, which had been removed once but had come back with a vengeance. I can’t explain what happened only to say that she was in pain. I rushed her to Stephen King, who was her vet, and I could tell by the look on his face the inevitable, but I had to make that decision. He gave her something to calm her down, but in the end, I think she was just tired and ready to go. She waited until Judy DeShong and Mary Lou Parks arrived, and then Mary Lou called Stephen to meet us at his office. The experience that followed brought back those memories of that afternoon in that little emergency room in Lumberton Mississippi, in 1986. I held her until she went to sleep, and then it was over. Judy couldn’t go in the room, so Mary Lou helped. I came home, sat at the top of my steps and cried. Again, the nights are the hardest. I look for her at the foot of my bed. I wait to hear her jump on the bed to sleep next to me. I catch myself in the mornings wanting to take her outside. I guess old habits are just hard to break. For several mornings after my father died I would cook breakfast for two, just like I had been doing since I was 15. Then one morning, I got up and just cooked for one. Just like I now don’t have a reason to leave the radio on anymore when I leave home.

Letting go can be a wonderful part of life, if you think about it. Our loved ones that have gone on before us are now out of pain, reuniting with others, and waiting on us. Our four legged friends do that too. No more pain, no more hurt. I think God prepares us in a way for letting go in all aspects of this life, in his own unique way. I have to believe that he wanted me to finish this semester, and for me to know that I was going to be all right, before he was ready for Hunter. And….I was, but the nights are still hard. I guess eventually I will have to “let go”, of that feeling too.