To Disappoint

To Disappoint

I’ve been thinking about disappointments, lately. We all have disappointments in our lives and in our selves. The more successful we become the more sensitive we are to the disappointments we incur. If we don’t expect a whole lot out of ourselves or our lives then there is not a lot to be disappointed over. On the other hand, if we dream big dreams and plan big plans, even good things can seem like failures if they don’t meet up to the dream or plan that we had for our life. As I was ruminating on this I wondered what the origin of the word, ‘disappoint’ might be. So, I looked it up.

To Disappoint: 1434, from M.Fr. desappointer "undo the appointment, remove from office," from des- "dis" + appointer "appoint." Modern sense of "to frustrate expectations" (1494) is from secondary meaning of "fail to keep an appointment." Online Etymology Dictionary.

I had a friend who often told her children that she was not as angry at them as she was disappointed in them. Oooooh…just beat me and get it over with. Failing to keep an appointment with expectations: our own, others and God’s. For those of us who have high expectations of our selves, others and God, the let down can be pretty severe. We expect that we will be rational and even handed and when we lapse into an passionate plea for justice and don’t choose our words as well as we should we have failed to meet our appointment with our expectations. It doesn’t matter who it is that tells us our words were right on target and our passion was motivating and inspiring – if we have failed to meet our appointment with our own expectations we lose the meaning of it all. We expect others to be trustworthy and honest and when they don’t meet their appointment with our expectation – well, it can be heartbreaking for some and for others it can make them bitter and cause them to isolate from others. What about our expectations of God – what appointment do we want God to keep? Do we expect God to be the magical miracle worker that protects the needy, heals the sick and rights the wrongs - especially those committed in God’s name?

Maybe it's a problem with the timing of the appointment or maybe it is the expectation.

Maybe, just maybe, we give up on God, ourselves and others way too soon. The other day my husband reminded me of an appointment we had for dinner. I had written the appointment on another date and so ‘double booked’ myself for the evening. I had to call one of the parties and reschedule our appointment. I suppose I could have called it a disappointment, but, in fact it was a reappointment. Sometimes it is our timing that is off and sometimes it is our expectation that is not realistic.

I am reminded of a hymn in the 1986 Episcopal Hymnal #605:

What does the Lord require for praise and offering?
What sacrifice desire, or tribute bid you bring?
Do justly; love mercy; walk humbly with your God.
Rulers of the earth give ear! Should you not justice show?
Will God your pleading hear, while crime and cruelty grow?
Do justly; love mercy; walk humbly with your God.
Still down the ages ring the prophet’s stern commands,
To merchant, worker, king he brings high demand
Do justly; love mercy; walk humbly with your God.
How shall my soul fulfill God’s law so hard and high?
Let Christ endue our will with grace to fortify.
Then justly, in mercy we’ll humbly walk with God.

God has simple expectations of his people. God expects us to be faithful and when we fall from faith to turn around and receive the faith again. God desires us to be persistent, if nothing else, in learning to be faithful even when being faithful means missing the appointment with others or ourselves. God requires us to try, again and again. When others hurt us, when plans don't go as we think they should, when God doesn't seem to be listening it is tempting to give up and to give in. I am reminded of a race in one of the summer olympics I happened to see on television. The runner fell in the midst of competition, lost her lead and hurt herself in the process. I thought she would simply limp off the field and call it a day, but, she continued to run even though she was hurt and in last place. She ran because she was a runner and the object of the race was to finish the race not necessarily to win. Funny, I can't even remember the story of the one who won the race......

P.S. a word from The Rt. Rev. Barbara Harris: first woman bishop of the Episcopal Church
What word would you leave with the church on this occasion?

I would commend to the church this Franciscan benediction that I have come to love, because I think it is kind of marching orders for the church in the 21st century:

"May God bless you with discomfort...At easy answers, half truths and superficial relationships
So that you may live deep within your heart.

"May God bless you with anger...At the injustice, opression and exploitation of people
So that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

"May God bless you with tears...To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and warSo that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy. "

And may God bless you with enough foolishness...To believe that you can make a difference in the world,
So that you can do what others claim cannot be doneto bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor. Amen."

That would be my 20th anniversary blessing to the church.


What do you think?