The last

My oldest brother, Bill, died in 1997 and my youngest brother, Gary, died in 2005. My mother died in 1987 and my father in 1994. The dog, Husky, died in 1960. I am the very smallest one in the picture and I don't know who the other girl is, perhaps my cousin or a neighbor child. Who would've thought that fifty years later I would be the only member of my immediate family still alive! Back then we were the picture of health for this family living in a farming community.

We cannot control the happenstances of our life or the events that surround us, but, we can (of course) control our reaction to them. Usually, when I say that people think that I mean taking the stiff upper lip and going on in spite of the trauma that we experience. But, I think that controling our reaction is, often times, not moving on too quickly -- allowing the meaning to sink in and understand what it means for us and for those around us. For me, Bill and I were estranged from one another and I never had an opportunity to say I'm sorry. His family still doesn't talk with me and I have no idea where my neices and nephews are living. Grudges take a long time to heal. My younger brother left a long line of broken relationships and shattered lives. My parents never meant for it all to end up this way and I never imagined it would, but, it did and it has.

When we move away from pain like this too quickly, we keep coming back to the events -- one way or another -- trying to work them out -- maybe thinking if we just think about it a different way -- it will change what happened or how we feel. But, living in the moment, grieiving the loss and railing against the unfairness of the world help us to create a certain resolve in our life. It is a resolve to do things differently, respond to situations more quickly and to seek wholeness, justice and mercy for all of God's people.